两个笑话（原）

老匠

清晨。儿子醒来还是懒洋洋的躺在那里，妈妈看到后很不耐烦地说“儿子呀，拜托请快点起来洗牙刷脸了。”儿子起来了，满脸狐疑，“洗牙可以找牙医，可是怎么刷脸呢？”

到饭馆酒足饭饱，很礼貌地对服务生说，“请给我拿一张嘴”。服务生听了以为自己听错了，问“对不起，先生请问你要什么？”不耐烦的食客，有点怒了“叫你给我拿一张嘴，我要擦擦我的餐巾纸”。说完，他自己也笑了。

老匠

回复 ，我大吃一斤。”老师阅后批道：“海量，海量。”
青草地. 发表于 2014-7-14 18:07

还真不错

superca

挺逗的！

青草地.

回复 19# 老匠
学生的作文里写道：“我正走在路上，突然路面出现了一堆牛粪，我大吃一斤。”老师阅后批道：“海量，海量。”

青草地.

回复  青草地.

知道louie为什么被雇吗？他比其他几个更有自己我牺牲精神，作为一名迎宾，热诚是基本，搞笑是加分，如果能让走进商店的人，一想到就忍不住发笑的人，不雇他雇谁？
白色百合 发表于 2014-7-14 17:54

:yes:

白色百合

回复 16# 青草地.

知道louie为什么被雇吗？他比其他几个更有自己我牺牲精神，作为一名迎宾，热诚是基本，搞笑是加分，如果能让走进商店的人，一想到就忍不住发笑的人，不雇他雇谁？

青草地.

白色百合 发表于 2014-7-14 17:31

以後你去Walmart就想起Louie:laugh:

老匠

回复  老匠
An old joke:
Walmart Interview

Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four > people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in > and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.

'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.'

She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply. 'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant.
'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had > found her man.> 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.

Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'

Louie is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You'll be thinking of this when you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.
青草地. 发表于 2014-7-14 17:27

Google translate give above translating directly:
沃尔玛专访

詹妮弗的经理沃尔玛不得不雇人填补职位空缺的任务。通过堆叠20简历分拣后，她发现有4>人谁是同等资格。詹妮弗决定打电话给在四>，并要求他们只有一个问题。他们的回答将决定其中哪些会得到这份工作。

直到有一天，和四个围坐在会议室的桌子，詹妮弗问，“什么是你知道的最快的东西吗？”

第一个人回答说：“一个想法。”它只是你脑海中。有没有警告。
“这是非常好的！”珍妮弗回答。

“而且，现在你先生？”，她问了第二个男人。
“嗯......让我看看'阿瞬！它来得快，去，你不知道它没发生过......眨眼是最快的事情我知道的。“
“优秀！”珍妮弗说。 “一个眨眼，这是一个非常流行的陈词滥调的速度。”

然后，她转身对第三个男人，谁正在考虑他的回答。 “好吧，出来在我爸的牧场，你走出房子，墙上有一个电灯开关。当你翻转的开关，出路在整个草场上的谷仓光在不到一个瞬间亮起。
“叶先生，开灯是最快的事情，我能想到的。”
珍妮弗非常深刻的印象，第三个答案，并认为她有>找到她的男人。>“这是很难被击败光速，”她说。

谈到路易，第四和最后的人，珍妮弗提出了同样的问题。
老雷说：“听到前面的三个答案后，很明显，我认为最快的事情知道的是腹泻。”
“什么！？”珍妮弗说，由响应惊呆了......
“哦，当然'，说路易。 “你看，有一天我没有感觉这么好了，我跑了浴室，但在此之前我能想到，眨眼，或打开灯，我已经拉屎我的裤子。”

路易现在是在沃尔玛新的迎宾您附近！
这个你会想，如果你从现在开始进入沃尔玛。

白色百合

回复 16# 青草地.

故事本身并不好笑，好笑的是最后一句，卖点也是最后一句。

白色百合

Louie is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You'll be thinking of this when you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.

:laugh:

青草地.

回复 10# 老匠
An old joke:
Walmart Interview

Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four > people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in > and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.

'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.'

She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply. 'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant.
'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had > found her man.> 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.

Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'

Louie is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You'll be thinking of this when you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.

老匠

《笑傲江湖》最后决赛，这个比较好笑，可以看看：
白色百合 发表于 2014-7-14 17:21

这个还真的比较好笑，我看过。

白色百合

《笑傲江湖》最后决赛，这个比较好笑，可以看看：

老匠

还是太冷，不好笑。
白色百合 发表于 2014-7-14 17:16

我投降了，整不过你们小字辈，原创的不行，抄来的还不行，看来你们要笑的和我要笑的还真有不小的差距呢，以后再不敢卖弄了。

白色百合

1、当不成英雄也不想当狗熊
　　晚上，小贾在回家的路上看到有人打劫，一个女孩拼命抵抗。
　　他有心上去英雄救美，又怕自己小胳膊小腿不够硬。可是也不能不管呀。
　　于是打了110后.大喊一声：快跑，动物园狗熊跑出来了。女孩得救后问他，
　　怎么就想到狗熊了？小贾不好意思的说：因为我没当上英雄，但也不想当狗熊。

2、散伙不成
　　一男子对女友说：“我想分手，我觉得烦了，已经没有感觉了。”
　　女友回答：“中国人民对国足早就烦了，早就没感觉了，但为什么国足还没解散？13亿人烦了都没有解散一个11人的队伍，现在你一个人说烦了，难道要解散两个人的队伍吗？”
老匠 发表于 2014-7-14 17:04

还是太冷，不好笑。