|
Well, I could totally understand and partially agreed with the writer.
My mom spent almost 12 years to take care of my dad who got strock years ago which was a year after I landed in Canada. After my dad passed away, we would hope to pay back something to her by inviting her come over and stay with my family for a while happily; however I came accross the some similar experiences as the writer such as:
I tried to give her some petty cash so that she could buy something she likes, however she saves it in her purse, and months later the money is still there...
I tried to make her happy and spent as much time as I could together with my little one (he is 6 already); however she still missed China and felt lonely... I even took her to the communities but she does not like to pay and stop me to pay anything for any activities or fun. She said either it is expensive or it does not worth that much etc. so i do nt know what should I do with her...
I told her that we are planning to Cube where she does not need visa; however she said we'd better pay off the mortgage asap but not spend the money for travelling...
She spent nothing so I tired to take her and my little one to the supermarkets and let her shop and pick whatever she likes; however she still feel pain with dollar comparison from Canadian to RMB, and stops me to buy this and that even they are good for her...
The worst senario was that my little one was born here and just saw my mom once when he is half year old which could not remember her anything. So my little one is very jealous me when I spent time with my mom or even talking with my mom a little bit longer... it is hard and I tried to balance between the two but still mom said I spoiled my boy too much... Now I finally realized what does "When people are at their '40 -50 's of Age'" (人到中年) mean ... - need to take care of and balance well the two different generations
That is why sometimes I puzzled and questioned myself whether I am right or wrong. It's well known "Nobody can be a good judge for the family affairs" I agree with it 100%
However, communication is the key. We need to communicate and exchange each other in a mild and tender manner. It will help. Although sometimes she is not too happy with what I said but gradually she understood me a bit. Nobody is perfect! We too!
Rememer you and your husband have to act differently. You could say something straiht forward to mom but not your hiim, because that is your mom not his. It makes different!
My mom sometimes sees something (microwave or TV) outside, she likes to bring in too but she asks first. One time, my husband knew it, he said to my mom: do not worry, if you like to get something I will drive you around and get whatsoever you like ... honestly most of the time my husband does a better job than me for me and my mom are too close to control our mood...
Anyway, hope all moms are happy with their daughters and tries to understand what their daughters' mean in some senarios; but in the meantime, daughters need to understand their moms too.
Good luck to you all! |
|